I'm reading The Namesake. The main character is born in the first chapter, and grows up throughout the book. I have just reached the point in the book where he finishes college, so all my reading today has been about his childhood. What struck me is that, for most of the part of childhood that they can think and remember about later, kids don't seem to really like their parents. In the book he doesn't seem to like his parents past kindergarten or so, and now that he's graduated from college he is only just warming up to them. It made me think of my own parents.
Most people I know have had times when they didn't get along with their parents. Some people had good reasons, but mostly it was because they were annoying and not cool, or because parents tell children what to do and what not to do, and young adults continue to hold it against them. I am kind of ashamed of having been, like all other children, pretty selfish when I was young. I probably could have been nicer.
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KC:
I think I know why this happens. If children are not independent, they never grow up. If they are independent, they will clash with their parents when they try to be their own persons. But every time there's a clash, they get a little more confident and a little stronger. Eventually, they're ready to face life and are strong enough to hold their own.
I have a favorite saying that I borrowed from a teacher when you were in elementary school. ( I think it was Sue Banworth) It basically says that when you protect a child from the challenges of life (by handling all their problems for them), you also deprive them of the sense of accomplishment and the gratification of having conquered something on their own.
It's actually harder for a parent to allow a child to struggle (and sometimes fail) than it is to make the way smooth for them. It's a tough lesson for a parent to learn, but it's the right way. It's one thing to be available when needed, it's another thing to be a helicopter parent.
The bottom line is that I think some conflict is inevitable between children and parents, but neither should feel remorseful about it. It's just something we have to go through. It must be working for you - just look at what you've accomplished! Mom xoxo
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