finals month

This month is disgustingly hard. I'm close to the end, but I'm going to be pretty unhappy between now and then. At least I'll never have to do it again - I have two classes' worth of credit left to take, and I'm not going to take them in the same semester.

After classes end, Porn Chowder is playing on May 5th - what a great day to have a show! I wonder if they know any songs in Spanish.

Also, I ran 2.5 10-minute miles today. I know I ran 3 miles a while ago, but those were slower. I could probably have pushed it to 3 today, but running is kind of boring.

off the mat(s)

Some yoga teachers like to classify life into "on the mat" (yoga related) and "off the mat" (not yoga). But those phrases also have a parallel BJJ meaning, so whenever yoga people say that I always get distracted trying to reconcile the fact that anytime I do yoga I am both on and off the mat simultaneously, depending on how you define "the mat". I don't really have this problem when BJJ people use the expression, because I hear it a lot more often in that context.

When's Porn Chowder going to play again? I heard it was in the first week or so of May, but I need to know. I need a countdown.

stereotype threat

That study I read a while ago about stereotype threat, besides pointing out that if you imply that blondes are stupid they'll do worse on math tests, also had interesting points about how people can be defended against stereotype threat. I think the main thing was that if you tell people a stereotype exists but science has shown that it isn't true, they don't have problems. I don't remember exactly.

So I've been wondering: my project for the teaching class is about differences in confidence, expectations, and performance between male and female engineering majors. Am I stereotype-threatening myself? Or am I defending myself against stereotypes by educating myself about the causes of observed differences?

Also, the lab I'm taking in the fall is at the same time as the 5th-semester Chinese class. So it turns out I have to learn Portuguese. I can always take more Chinese next year.

os alquimistas dao le

Should I take a fifth semester of Chinese in the fall, or should I learn Portuguese? I'm considering it because I've heard the next Chinese classes focus a lot more on reading and less on speaking. I think speaking is more fun, so I'm kind of disappointed by that. Also, since I am into BJJ there is some incentive for me to learn some Portuguese. I'd probably be a quick study, too, because I used to be pretty good at French.

lady-specific ailments

Guys, I'm not shy. If you don't want to hear about boobs and things, wait until I post something else.

Turns out that the reason I was so hungry last week was that girl week just started. Strange things happen to me around that time. I don't really have the stereotypical cranky-and-crying thing. Usually not much happens, but the sudden eating streak was unusual and worthy of comment.

Additionally, I went to jiujitsu today, sweated a lot, and then got really cold. I took off my under-armor shirt and just wore the t-shirt around in hopes that I would warm up, but it didn't work: my bra was cold. There's no resolving that problem.

Also I forgot to drink my tea again. This time it just got cold, not bitter.

just in time, too

I just ran three miles. In a row.

sick is the new well

I was sick this weekend, so I didn't hang out with people very much. It's amazing how much I can get done when I'm avoiding doing anything. I caught up on some homework and made soup. I'm very proud of this soup and plan to eat it for lunch all week. I'm not totally done with all my homework yet, but I am also not feeling as frustrated as when I took three weeks to do one problem, because those two problems are done.

I also returned a vetoed bridesmaid dress, and my fight shorts have been shipped. I'm especially excited about the shorts. I bet I'll have them by Saturday. I hope I am feeling better enough tomorrow that I can enjoy BJJ.

Do I want to be a professor at a gigantic research university? I've always assumed I do, but I think that's because everyone assumes that is what PhD students want. Would I be happier at a smaller tech college or something? The truth is, I don't want to work hard in a discouraging environment with the threat of failure hanging over me at every turn. And it's beginning to sound like that's how it'd feel, competing for tenure with half a dozen other young faculty.

winners get shorts

These are the shorts I wanted that have been listed online as out of stock for months. I sent the site an email and asked when they might have more of them, and their response was that they already do! I ordered some yesterday. I imagine they'll arrive in a week or so.

Also, I left the bag in my tea for too long and now it's really bitter.

pation

I thought when I got back from the Pan Ams I wouldn't be so distracted anymore, but I was wrong. My plane arrived in Champaign from LA at about 1:30 Sunday night. The traveling was rough, but everything else about this weekend was so good that I still can't concentrate on work.

FIGHTING FACTS

First and foremost, Team McV competed ridiculously well. We brought home a pile of medals and were the second place team in the white belt competition. Second, I personally did ridiculously well, taking gold in a 5-person division. Third, the weekend was also really fun off the mat. Here's the story.

In the weeks leading up to the tournament, my guard suddenly stopped working so well. In retrospect, it was probably because everyone else started training harder. But at the time, I was worried: guard used to be what I was good at! I started thinking maybe I should switch and try to play the top at the tournament instead.

I was still mulling this over as my first match started. I hesitated, and the other girl jumped guard. It wasn't a great jump - I got her feet open reasonably quickly and started to pass. But she had me in a gogoplata for a little while, which was surprising and very uncomfortable. I'd never seen it before, and it took me a while to figure out what was going on and how to get out of it. I passed and took mount, she actually slipped out backwards, and I mounted her again. I was pretty tired at this point (still coughing from the choke), but I looked over at the guys on my team and they were all motioning for me to hold still because time was short. I probably would have done something stupid if not for them.

After that first match I realized I would really rather play from the bottom, so in my second match I jumped guard right away. Take that! She tried to pass, but instead set herself up to get triangled. I was still tired from getting choked by the first girl, coughing whenever I breathed too hard, so I was glad to have the match finish early.

I think my third match was really weird. I jumped guard and got my hands in for a cross-collar choke right away. My grip was ok - she could defend it, but if she didn't defend it I'd choke her. She defended it but couldn't make me let go, and I held on to that cross-collar for a really long time. At one point her face turned kind of purple and she waved her arms weakly - I was sure she was going to tap - but then she suddenly recovered. Damn! At that point I let go because I wanted to sweep her, but as soon as I did she opened up her neck again. I replaced the choke. I had gotten an advantage from something or other, and my guys were all on the side telling me to wait it out. I wasn't so sure (what if she passes and gets two points?) but I was also very tired, so I did what they said. It turned out ok - she pretty much couldn't move with the choke on anyway. That was the first time I have ever won by advantage. After the match was over, Adrienne said I held that same choke for something like three minutes. My hands were pretty tired.

Speaking of, Adrienne did really well herself in the blue belt division, and she said flattering things about me in her blog.

Competition feels different from practice. In practice everybody's got their individual goals, so you're working and you are together but you're not really working together. In competition, for 5 minutes everybody concentrates on winning one match at a time. Teammates keep time for you, encourage you, help you with strategy, and tell you the score. It's great to be on the mat with a bunch of guys backing you up, and it's also really fun to support your teammates when they're competing. Tournaments make the school seem more like a team.

OFF THE MAT STUFF

But when we weren't at the tournament watching or doing BJJ, we had some adventures. Everyone squeezed into Jimmy's car and we hit the Cheesecake Factory for some snacks, since nobody was trying to make weight anymore. There was also plenty of tequila and other drinks to go around. Feanil required that we take a trip to the beach, so that came right afterward. Somehow, when I got back everyone knew that I fell down while we were running to the ocean, but nobody knew it was because I was catching up to Jimmy and stepped on his foot. That is what happens when someone else tells the story first. But Jimmy is a cool guy, and probably singlehandedly responsible for everyone having such a good time Saturday. I hope he comes around sometime so we can order him some cookies - he was mesmerized by the idea that you can get them delivered.

I wanted to go BJJ shopping while we were there - I need to get some fight shorts - but it didn't happen. Maybe I'll just buy some online, but I am concerned that they'll fit weirdly, because they all say things like "new design to better accommodate you when you are wearing a cup!" Uh, thanks but no thanks, guys.

it helps to have company

From this post at Pandagon about why feminism is good for men, too:

The other side of the exercise and diet analogy is that healthy lifestyles tend to be easier and more rewarding in the collective. Eating better is much more fun if you have people who like the same food you do. Exercising is better around people who value it like you do. Feeling better is much more rewarding if you live with people who can keep up. Same with feminism—men who live in communities where their male friends are also feminist-minded and where they can have those meaningful relationships and friendships with feminist women tend to have a lot more reasons to embrace feminism. There’s not much reward to it if you have no access to women you can have those deeper relationships with and your male friends give you non-stop hell for your beliefs.

I've definitely noticed that it's easier to be virtuous in a lot of ways if everyone else around you is, too. It's even possible to be accidentally virtuous. For instance, I've been accidentally vegetarian for weeks at a time, just because I hang out with vegetarian people. I think that as feminists increase in number, accidental feminism will similarly become more common.